The Elegance of the Wine Key

Jul 31st, 2013
Wine Keys

I was at a party the other night and the host asked me to open a few bottles of wine (both were Taste Factor wines, hurray!). I started diving through drawers and closets, opening medicine chests, and lifting cats, looking for a wine opener. After getting half way through the second drawer of my hosts' dresser, he showed me his $200 mechanized wine opener. It was truly something to behold. It was shiny, and heavy. It looked like a cross between an Ikea commercial and something out of Demolition Man (love Wesley Snipes). It had an ergonomic handle, stainless steel cork screw and....dead batteries. The search for batteries commenced and I just picked up where I left off - in the sock drawer. After about 15 minutes, the host handed me a wine key, and said, "we could always use this...". If it wasn't for my burning desire to taste this never-before-seen Napa Cabernet, I would've smacked him. I took the wine key and with a few twists and pulls, the cork was out. When I looked up from the bottle, everyone in the kitchen was staring at me. Apparently, opening a bottle of wine with a wine key is becoming a lost art (in the fancy pants circles), and people looked at me as though I pulled a rabbit out of a hat. Please do not let the twisting, hinging, and pulling of the wine key die.  The artistic simplicity of opening a bottle with nothing more than a crooked knife will show your friends that you are smooth but strong, crafty but cunning, and appreciative of the work that went into that bottle.  Long live the wine key.